This is my first half-decent poem, so although I appreciate contructive critisism, please keep it constructive and give me a break. Here it is:
True Experiences
How does it feel to get hurt by love?
Let me tell you what it’s all about…
It feels like an arrow plunged into your chest,
Your heart crushed and turned inside-out.
Restless and full of guilt, you enter a state of madness profound
As if you were in Hell, burnt and vanquished…
Lying beaten and conquered on the flaming ground,
Your sanity to the devil relinquished.
Your way is filled with fog, clouded so you can’t see
As if you were locked up in a dark, dismal room…
And have no hope of finding the key,
No path to light or happiness, no end to your eternal gloom.
You feel like you want to lay around and mope all the seasons,
Or lay around to weep…starve…rot…drop dead…
You think of her all the time and cry over the same reasons.
You just can’t get her out of your head…
Your friends then walk over…Sit down at your side…
To try to soothe you or make you smile, or offer you guidance.
But nothing helps…You despondently sit down, feeling lost and forsaken.
And when your girlfriend tells you that she loves you, in confidence…
It just makes your heart recover all the damage taken.
Comments?
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,797 Reviews
That was really good for your first poem.
I enjoyed it. The detail and description and such. I'm not really a poet, so I don't know if it is structured correctly. It looks like it, though.
Everything flowed and I felt what you were trying to say. Good job, and welcome to YWS!!!
-Sydney
Zawisza Czerny--
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Thank you,
WM
oh soo pretty in a very sad way out of a 1-10 (ten being the best) I'd give you an 8and a 1/2 Id say thats a good rateing from me you know. It was very descriptive. I liked it ,love like same thing but since love could be soo painfull I chose Like. tee hee I congradulate on your first half decent poem.LOL K bye bye